Most people may or may not know much about my walk with Christ. I feel the need to explain why many have been hurt or confused about the way I have gone about that. Here is my story :
I grew up in church hearing about God but not knowing Him (very possible). Then, I spent my teen years totally disregarding him as I went on to my adult years, where I did everything in my power to deny Him completely.
In my 23rd year, He miraculously came and rescued me. It was just Him and me on that balcony. We started on a personal level and we have travelled that route ever since. No man shared the glory of leading me to Him, and no man will get the chance to lead me away.
That's why hearts have been hurt because some take my commitment to Him first and foremost, personally. But I hope to reveal my heart and maybe bring some healing and inspiration to those who don't quite understand.
He took me on a journey to find Him alone since that time. I began to read the Word for the first time, to actually study it because I wanted my walk to be authentic. I wanted to please this amazing God that was my Hero! It wasn't a duty, but a searching. I returned to my roots and tried to revisit the route I walked as a child. I sat there for several months and discovered the love of hearing a message that educated me and made me feel at home. Sitting on the pew next to family, as I should have as a child, I got to rectify all the years of boredom and complacency I had wasted there. I was so hungry.
But there was a calling inside for more than I experienced there. It was never me trying to disrespect what was there, but it was a searching HE placed in me that said Keep Going, there's more!
So, I ventured on along with my husband to visit his roots for a while. I walked into the doors and watched people worship God with full abandon and I was mesmerized! The people there danced with joy, clapped with excitement, and prayed like they were shaking Heaven and earth with their petitions! Hands raised in the air towards the Father, Noone was embarrassed to treat God... Well, like God! My insides danced with excitement because I knew that once I got over my hesitations and my reservations to let go, I would join in passionate worship, as He deserved.
My love for His word grew and grew. I studied and wanted to know beyond the surface. Why and where and when. I wanted proof and to then to share the proof with the world! I brought notebooks and pen and scribbled furiously as the message went on. It filled the intense hunger inside to know Him more in so many ways. It was like a starving woman being given bread.
I began to read the book of Acts, where the Holy Spirit was poured out and miracles manifested among the people of God, after Jesus returned to Heaven with His promise that we would do greater works. I wanted that "more" He sent me looking for. See, as a child, one of many observations was that if the Bible was true, why don't we experience what they experienced? The answer could not be satisfied with an easy, "just because." Instead, God pushed me to reclaim what He shed His blood for, to fill me with the Holy Spirit's power. (My beliefs are that this is a separate experience than salvation.) After a time of diligently seeking Him, I was baptized with the Holy Spirit. Life was never the same!
So I sat on those pews and I learned. Every lesson was life to me. But, as they taught on certain subjects, and as I studied at home, my heart began to be unsettled. There were things that were contrary to the Bible and did not match up with the heart of God. I saw walls being erected between people and God unnecessarily. Rules and regulations that were apparently tradition were weighed as gospel truths and caused much hurt and confusion. I asked questions in private, hoping to be convinced through the Word. Instead I was met with "it is just the way it's always been done" instead of proof. No bending, no bowing, no allegiance to God's perfect word over tradition. The Lord let me feel the danger in this situation and we decided to follow Him instead. Much to our disappointment, we were looked down upon and ostracized.
We moved away for a few years for business and once we came back, we did not return to the old ways we travelled before. We moved forward.
We tried several places and settled here and there for a season. There was learning in every spot God placed us. We learned what to take with us and what to leave behind. Some may utilize the term "church hopper" and use it in a negative connotation to judge their brothers and sisters but I see visiting other believers for a time as growth. You will Never grow if you stay planted in the same small pot. If we are all apart of one church, one body, how can we hop churches anyway! I hate this term and believe it is a ploy of Satan into teaching us that we are separate instead of unified.
After a while, we found a beautiful body of believers that we enjoyed having in our lives for a time. We joined every Sunday for worship and we did life together. It was a joyous time for our family for that period. God always reminded me that this was a short season and would not last forever. And it ended abruptly for us as we sat on a pew and heard things that we could not support in good conscience as we sought to serve God. You see, God had placed in me that His heart at its core is unity in the body. He taught me that we are called to Be the church of Christ, a living breathing organism, more than the four walls we visit on Sundays. That we should put more focus on seeking God daily rather than the two hours, one time a week on Sunday. Teaching contrary to this is unbiblical and my heart hurt as I knew I would have to make a decision to walk away from this teacher, but hopefully not from my friends who were like family. Unfortunately, allegiance to an institution or leader outweighs relationship and honest to goodness truth of the Bible alot of times. People get comfortable. They don't want to rock the boat. If only they realized Jesus isn't in the boat, He walks on the rough waters and calls for those willing to take a chance...
For months and months we chose to worship at home alone and grow as close to that Voice and His leading, feeling the preparations of a ministry. Those moments in our very home were some of the most priceless and miraculous we have ever experienced. God grew so real and actual to us. He trained and grew us. And people attacked us. We were called rebellious, dangerous, demons, and seeking after our own good. Those people had no clue the voices that were telling them this knew NOTHING of our hearts. It burst with passion to empower God's people. To build them up and grow leaders! Not ever to grow a group of followers that would worship us or stay on spiritual milk. And God told me over and over, do not defend yourself. That was the hardest. It was an extremely hurtful time. My heart broke in a hundred pieces as those I adored and admired turned away completely. But, my heart stayed directed at the one my soul loves, Jesus. He warns us that we will have to make decisions that don't make sense to the natural viewpoint. And it's going to hurt and you will be left alone by the world for His namesake.. But, it's going to be worth it.
There is a river that flows deep inside me. It flows and deepens and widens. It takes me places I never would have ventured to on my own and it is wild. But the refreshing I find in that River of God has been my nourishment. I have tasted the deeper things and once that happens, nothing else can ever quench that thirst. Unfortunately, that has to be experienced before it is understood.
There is beauty in leaving the usual behind. There is fulfillment in allowing God alone to be the anchor.
So, I want people to know: we are all called to walk that narrow path. I know what it's like to give things up to follow truth. I am not one who would ask you to do something I would not. I know what it's like to sacrifice every comfort for God. This is just the tip of the iceberg. He wants everything. Would you be willing to leave a religion you served your whole life to chase Him? Would you be willing to follow Him to the valleys? Would you be willing to leave loved ones behind and embrace being misunderstood for Him?
Because that's what it takes. It's a part of the great commission: GO. He is the mark, He is the prize. And He is so worth it! So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it... Hope it encourages you to be Brave for Christ and walk out on the waters... There's no greater way!
"All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like a flower of the grass.
The grass withers, and the flower drops off, but the word of the Lord endures forever." 1 Peter 1:24-25
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